Oh, It's the Holidays Again

The Holidays are here again and it's hard not to laugh. Cheer and big fat kool-aid like smiles are to be found in lots of places. I'm one of those people that have a difficult time with this time of year. The memories aren't grand and it's often too easy to feel out of place and uncomfortable. I am learning to keep it bottled up as to not to ruin anyone else's good time.

Last year my wife insisted that I light a Menorah for Hanukkah. I really didn't want to but she explained it was important to her. Then came the first night of the Holiday and she pulled me away from whatever it was I was doing because hours had passed since sundown when the candles are to be lit. Without emotion I went out to the dining area, loaded the Menorah with two candles. My wife questioned if I was placing them correctly and I said something about reading right to left as an answer. I lit a match, said the prayer quickly from memory and handed the lit candle to my wife so she could light the first night's candle; "Aren't you going put some pants on?" she said to me as I stood there with nothing but a t-shirt on. "Hurry up and take the candle, they don't stay lit for long", I replied.

The best part of the Holiday is cooking and eating. I don't think we enjoyed too much of that as kids. My father would always complain about whatever my mother cooked and Hanukah was no exception. I learned later on in life, maybe in my early 30s' that Hanukah food is supposed to be fried. I love fried foods and I've deviated from my mother's latka recipe just enough to make lots of goyim happy. No one yells and complains. The goyim ask about other Hanukah traditions that were carried out in my childhood. I don't think they take me seriously as they laugh about how lousy the Holiday was for me.

There were never eight gifts of any sort. My sister and I would beg for things we wanted but were always disappointed by ill fitting and not in fashion clothing. I remember in my mid-twenties when I was trying to create an adult-like relationship with my parents I brought my first wife to their home in New Jersey for the first night of Hanukah. My mother was excited because she had gone out earlier that day to get a gift for me. She was usually relieved when I came over because that meant someone was there to yell back at my father when he yelled at her or better still, if it meant I would take over in the kitchen.

I opened my mother's gift to see our family tradition played out; a pair of denim overalls. I smiled and said thank you. My parents insisted that I go to the bathroom and try them on. My ex-wife looked on in horror. She's Puerto Rican and her family holiday traditions were much different that ours. I came out of the bathroom and returned to the living room to show off the garment that was to be worn just this one time. My ex-wife looked like she was going to explode. My parents were relieved the overalls fit. Searching my mind for something good to say was difficult, I couldn't figure out when in the world I'd wear them again or why. I changed and my wife had a conversation with my mother. The next day they went out shopping and exchanged the overalls for something I was more likely to wear.

Although something seemed to be repaired, I'm not sure my ex-wife never forgave my mother for this fax pax. She'd always try to bring it up... guess that explains the "ex" part of the story.

Anyway, I think the Holidays do look good from afar. Pretty lights, the idea that people are being made happy in the company of those they love and getting to eat lots of fried foods is pleasing to me.

I hope my wife will let me make batter fried chicken this year.


Happy Holidays!